Pregnant Rose
by ExactChase
Summary: Jaune accidentally knocks Ruby up, now he has to deal with Yang, Taiyang, Qrow, and a pregnant Ruby.
1. Jaune Did What Now?

RWBY was sitting around their dorm, doing homework, well, most of them were. After, all of her teammates had finished, Yang decided to do hers. "Hey, Ruby," she said. "Mind if I borrow a pen?"

"Sure." Ruby said, getting up.

"Where ya going?"

"Gotta go talk to Jaune about something."

Ruby walked out, and Yang walked over to Ruby's desk to get a pen, she opened the drawer. She froze. "Is that..."

"What?" Blake asked.

Yang kept staring at whatever was in her hand, so Blake stood and walked over, looking over Yang's shoulder. "Oh, fuck."

"What?" Weiss asked. Blake was now frozen too. Weiss now stood and looked over Yang's other shoulder. "Oh my God."

"Ruby's."

"Fucking."

"Pregnant."

Yang finally snapped out of it, and angrily walked out, slamming the door behind her. She walked across the hall and kicked JNPR's door in. "Where is he?!" She asked, not seeing JNPR's leader anywhere.

"Ruby said she needed to talk to him." Pyrrha answered. "Why?"

Yang held up the pregnancy test. "Look what I found in Ruby's desk!"

Pyrrha stood and walked closer, to get a closer look. "Oh, shit!"

"Do you know where they went?"

"No."

Yang pulled out her scroll and called Ruby, "Hey, Ruby," she said in her sweetest voice. "I need to your help with something, and the other two can't, can you come back? Okay, thanks. See ya in a minute. Bye."

Meanwhile...

Ruby put her scroll away, turning back to Jaune. "Yeah, she knows." She said.

"Knows what?" Jaune asked.

"Oh, that's right. Jaune..." She looked at him, her face showing him that it was important. "I'm pregnant."

Jaune looked at her for a minute. "Really?" He asked.

"Really." She smiled. He leaned in and kissed her, breaking the kiss, he looked her in eyes. "Yang's going to kill me." He said. "Assuming it's my child." She laughed. "That's why I'm pregnant." She told him. "But in all seriousness, you'll probably have to hide from Yang. And Dad. And Qrow."

"I'm so fucking dead."

"I know. But so am I."

"You're not actually going to be brutally murdered!"

"Yeah, I wish I could feel sympathy, but sadly, you knocked me up." She joked.

"Not sure if I feel bad anymore." He responded.

"Just remembered one more person you probably gotta watch out for."

"Who?"

"A pregnant eighteen year old."

"At least it happened on your eighteenth birthday. Yang can't charge me with statutory rape."

"Optimist. I like that."

"She'll probably go to jail for assault and battery when we get back."

"You'll drop the charges right?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"I want more than just one kid!"

"What if they're twins?"

"I was thinking three."

"Hee-e-e-eeell no!"

"Why not?"

"I imagine them to be very hyperactive. Like me."

"Or Nora."

"Exactly. Two Nora's. I can deal with. Three? Fuck off!"

"What ever happened to you innocence?"

"You. You happened."

"Is this about the whole pregnant thing? Cause, I'm not sure that's my child. It could be a totally different color!"

"Hmmm. I've only ever had sex with you."

"First time, and pregnant."


	2. Taiyang

"Where is she?" Yang asked, pacing around the dorm.

"Not fucking stupid." Blake said, closing her binder.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means she's not fucking stupid enough to believe that horseshit." Blake looked up at the blonde. "We all know you're too prideful to ask for help." Yang placed her hand on her chest. "Me? Too prideful? That's—"

Weiss interrupted the blonde, "Too God damn true!

"No one asked for your opinion, Ice Bitch!" Yang retorted. Weiss flipped the brawler her middle finger.

"That's it," Yang said, ignoring Weiss. "She's left me no choice..."

"Direct confrontation?" Weiss asked.

"Not going apeshit?" Blake asked.

Meanwhile...

Taiyang sat at his desk at work, grading papers, when his scroll pinged. He picked it up off his desk, and checked the message. It was from Yang "Look what I found in Ruby's desk." Then she sent a picture. He sighed, "Please don't be drugs, or porn, please don't be drugs or porn." He whispered to himself. He opened the picture. "That's even worse."

Tai yang immediately called Yang, who answered almost immediately.

"Let me speak to her." He told his eldest daughter.

"She's not here."

"Then where is she?!"

"She left right before I found it."

"Do you at least know who the father is?"

"Yeah, I know. Jaune Arc."

"An Arc?"

"Yeah. What's so special about Arc?"

"War heroes. All of them."

Yang exploded into laughter.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm— I'm sorry, but There's no way that's true. The dude's a beanpole."

"Let me call you back. I got his father on speed dial."

When Taiyang called, a little girl answered.

"Hello." She asked, Taiyang assumed she was no older than ten.

"Hello," he said. "Is this the Arc residence?"

"It is."

"May I speak with Jacques?"


	3. Update

Hey, peoples,

after much consideration, I have decided to make this story a daily story (Yay!) but here's the thing, I have stuff I gotta do (school, YouTube, other stories) so if I fall behind, call me out on it, if you don't, I'll think you don't want it bad enough...


	4. Phone Calls

"Jaune did what now?" Jacques asked Taiyang.

"He got my daughter pregnant." Taiyang answered.

"I'm going to have to have a word with my son."

"And I with my daughter."

Ruby and Jaune...

The two sat on a bench somewhere on campus, no one around. Both their scrolls rang.

"Yang told Dad." Ruby told Jaune.

"I think your dad told mine."

They both answered, not wanting to get anymore trouble. Taiyang's yelling was audible to Jaune, and Jacques' was to Ruby. They both pulled their scrolls away from their ears. They had one option. Deny everything.

"Dad, I have no idea what she's talking about, I've never even had sex."

"Then where did the pregnancy test come from?"

"I don't know. It's not mine."

"Then who's is it?"

"Blake's? Weiss'? Yang's? I don't know!"

"Lying won't help you. I'll find out the truth soon enough."

"Okay, maybe it is mine. I'm eighteen. I can make my own decisions."

"You gknow what? You're right." He hung up.

"Dad. I'm twenty. And you haven't spoken to me since my eighteenth birthday, where you said, 'get your own place, and the hell out'."

"Oh, yeah. Have fun with your illegitimate child."

"Fuck you!" Jaune hung up.

"I take it yours didn't take it well, I just used the whole, 'I'm eighteen' thing." Ruby said.

"It worked for me too, he just called the baby illegitimate." Jaune said.

"That bastard!"

"You know Dad can trace phone calls, right?" A voice asked from behind them.


	5. Mary's Prayer

Ruby turned around, and saw her older sister standing behind her, she made the smart choice and ran like hell, leaving Jaune behind. "EVERY HUNTER FOR THEMSELVES!" She yelled.

Jaune pulled out Crocea Mors, and Yang simply kicked him in the stomach, not hard enough to send him flying, just hard enough to make it hurt to breath. He fell to his knees gasping something about Ruby, asexual reproduction, and the child being a different color. Then something about My Name is Earl, and Crabman. And then he began to pray. "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen."

Yang knocked him onto his back, pressing her boot against his face. "Riddler. Talk." She said.

"What?" Jaune asked.

"Sorry. Too much Arkham Knight."

"In that case, I'll help you get all the riddler trophies if you let me live."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you, I'm just going to hurt you, really, really bad."

"Goddamnit, Yang! Stop the fucking references!"

"Eh... No. Not after you took advantage of my sister."

"If anything she took advantage of me..." Yang looked down at him. "She's rough." He explained.

"Let me get this straight," she said. "Ruby got you to get her pregnant?"

"...Sure."

She lifted her foot off his face, helping him up. "Oh, okay then." She said, smiling. "Have fun." And then she walked away. "By the way, Dad and Qrow are gunning for you." She called back.


	6. Not Underage

People have been calling me out saying that it's not okay to make jokes about underage pregnancies. RUBY IS NOT UNDERAGE. SHE IS EIGHTEEN. THAT IS NOT UNDERAGE.


	7. Weekends Off

I have elected to take the weekend off. Mon-Fri is when chapters will be.


	8. Holy Hell

When Jaune found Ruby, she was looking through his desk back at JNPR's dorm. "What are you looking for?" He asked.

"Well, I WAS looking for your will, but since Yang didn't kill you, I don't need to find it." She said.

"I don't have a will."

"You should probably write one. How did you get her not to kill you?"

"Well, first, I told her that it was asexual reproduction."

"Right."

"Then I said that it was just like My Name is Earl, you did it with a black man named Crabman, that's also in the witness protection program. Then I prayed."

"Pussy."

"That's where the baby'll come out."

"Good, now you know where you went wrong."

The Next Day...

Ruby threw up into the toilet, as Jaune stood in the doorway.

"You fucking did this!" She yelled in between vomiting. "You cunt!" Vomit. "I hate you!" Vomit. "How bout I stick something in you, then make a watermelon come out of your ass!" Vomit.

"You're acting like you're giving birth." Jaune said.

"I fucki— *Vomit* HOLY HELL! I fucking hate— *Vomit* OH SHIT! I fucking hate you!" Vomit.

Ruby wiped the puke from her face. "I'm good now." She stood and walked out.

"These next nine months will be hell." Jaune said to himself.


	9. References

"He-e-e-ll no!" My Step-Dad

"Get your own place, and the hell out." Sounds like something Red Foreman would say.

"Hail Mary, full of grace..." Mary's Prayer.

"Riddler. Talk." Arkham Knight, interrogations.

"I'm not going to kill you, just hurt you, really really bad." Suicide Squad.

Different Color Baby Spiel. My Name Is Earl.

"HOLY HELL!" The Other Guys.


End file.
